I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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