Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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