She said her name was "party"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
