you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
