I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
