So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
