why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
