I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize