I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
