Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
