Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there is puke in my bra ... again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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