Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
