Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
