hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
