I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
only if we run a train.
done.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
