fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize