dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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