I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
