i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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