At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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