do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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