im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
