Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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