Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
