did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
