I heard we made out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
