she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
