you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
