why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
