Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
