we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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