Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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