I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
