paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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