the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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