I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
