I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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