Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
