Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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