dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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