so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
