508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
