Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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