Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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