I want to make a zoo with you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
