margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize