If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize