I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
