I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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