There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
