i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
