well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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