Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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