You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize