Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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