The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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