Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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