is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
