i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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