hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this boner is exhausting
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
