so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
