So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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