after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
