sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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