dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This girl is more easily done than said...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
