At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
