why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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