Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
