FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize