somebody snuck up and got me drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
