watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
