Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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