the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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