the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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