ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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