He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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