One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
