Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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