I hate all girls vehemently.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
