Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
