I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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