lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
