so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
