I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
