We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
