rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
