So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
