Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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