dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize