Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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