I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
