It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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