We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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