Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
