Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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