So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
