LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize