for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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