So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
