Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
