he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize