I'm going to jail i love you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
