so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
