Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
