Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize