The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
