So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
