I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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